Here I am

I just finished The Practice: Shipping Creative Work by Seth Godin. So, here I am. Practicing the creative work. It feels so awkward to start…again. But why? Mostly because, I think, I’m afraid that you will really see me. I’m cautious to express myself creatively out of fear it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid of wasting your time. Of failing you. Failing myself. But keeping my work in my head is in no way allowing me to successfully survive in this world without feeling pain. Far from it. So why hold back? Holding back has only proven time and time again to leave me feeling empty. How ironic. Holding on to every idea, every thought, every piece of work I want to share with the world has created such a hollow feeling inside that I have no choice at this point but to share it. I can no longer create the narrative that I’m not good enough to try. There is really nothing to protect myself from at this point, anyway. I have a beautiful family. A successful career. A comfortable life. I need very little. I suppose one wrong line could cause it all to come crumbling down. But so could leaving the house. So I’m willing to take the risk. Here I am. Practicing. In front of you. Right here where you might see me. Because it doesn’t really matter if it’s not good enough. That’s not really the point. The point is for me to share a little bit of myself with the world in hopes that one day I can create something that will make a difference, even if just for one person. The emptiness I feel inside is not because I have very little. It’s because I have so much and I’m not sharing it, not attempting to direct my energy towards doing good on a grander scale. I guess that might sound arrogant, to think that I even could. But I’m working on not really being too concerned with all that. I’m practicing. And through trial and error, probably a lot of error, maybe I’ll get it right. Find the spark. Hit the right nerve. Find a greater purpose to the pile of thoughts building up in my head everyday. There has to be something of value in there. Maybe together we’ll find it. Here’s to the journey!

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