Phew. I’m back! Did you miss me? I bet you thought the blog was gone for good. I did. I had fully accepted that my writing days on Cultivate Your Wellness were over. I even considered selling the URL, which my husband wisely convinced me to keep for the last 6 YEARS! Can you believe it? 6 years since my last blog post! While I have no good excuse for letting my passion fall to the wayside, it wasn’t like I’ve been doing nothing all these years. My acupuncture practice has continued to grow. I had a baby. Then I had another baby. My husband started working outside the home. I’ve had a lot on my plate. And I’ve worked hard to cultivate everything around me. My home life, my business, my family. But what I let fall to the wayside was cultivating myself. The basis for what I always intended this blog to be, a way to share my journey with you, was virtually non-existent. While my mid to late twenties and early thirties had me motivated to enrich and nurture my own life, my mid to late thirties have been more about putting myself aside in order to nurture those around me. And that led me to somewhat of a dark place. I felt trapped within the life I worked so hard to achieve. While trying to achieve what I thought I wanted, I lost sight of who I was and found it difficult to implement the skills I had acquired to keep myself motivated. I’m not suggesting that I let myself go entirely; I went to the occasional yoga class and continued to prepare healthy meals everyday. But there was a piece that was missing. I was missing.
I’ve always believed that life gives me want I want when I need it. I found myself growing impatient though, and, on a regular basis, begging the universe to start paying attention to me and how hard I’ve been working for everything I knew I was destined for, and to hand it over! I was ready and the universe needed to give me what I had meticulously laid the groundwork for! I put in the effort, now where was the payoff? But did I have faith that what I was asking for was best for me? And was I proving to myself or anyone else that I was capable of accepting the fulfillment of my goals? Not really. I had kind of given up. But something still had to give. And give it did.
For 6 years we’d been renting a tiny cottage outside of the downtown area of Walnut Creek. When we first moved in, we thought it was a hidden gem; lots of outdoor living space, walking distance from shops and restaurants, pretty much close to everything, but still secluded enough to provide us with our own private little sanctuary. It was small but it worked for us, and the rent was cheap! Then came baby number one and we had to adjust, but we still made it work. We used the extra funds we were saving on rent to travel and enjoy all that the Bay Area has to offer. Then baby number two came along and we really began to max out. The yard became unmanageable, the lack of storage space was a huge issue, and the walk-ability of an ever-growing downtown became more daunting with two kids in tow. Not to mention the old little cottage was really falling apart. Then two months ago our landlord decided to not only raise our rent but also take away our garage – the only bit of storage we had, was being ripped from me and at a greater price! I decided this was unacceptable, and finally admitting to ourselves that it was time to go, we began to aggressively look for a new space. In doing so, the veil began to lift and I saw how depressed and stifled I truly was. With each new rental we viewed I saw the potential for expansion, not just to a bigger space, but for the opportunity to allow myself to grow, to expand, to nourish myself, both mentally and physically. The lie I had been telling myself that I didn’t need to make changes in order to reach the next step of my journey became apparent. The universe was finally listening to my call, because I stopped just effortlessly shouting at it. I was once again striving for something.
When we found the perfect spot, I knew. The house was great, the neighborhood quiet, and the schools good. But what really sold it for me was a tree. The house backs onto open space and up a short hill there is a tree, a tree very similar to one that appeared in my very first meditation when I was a small girl. It’s a tree that has continued to appear in my mind’s eye and encourages me to sit, to rest, and to reflect. I believed my meditation tree was physically presenting itself and I had no choice but to be near it. True, the commute would be longer and the rent was a huge spike, but we would make it work. My mom once made a collage and on it she wrote “the net will appear.” I have always remembered this phrase. I believed that it was time for us to take that leap and felt confident that we would land safely in the net, or in my case, under my tree. So we did. And here we are. Just 45 days in our new home, and I have been motivated, not only to begin re-cultivating my wellness, but to share it again with those willing to listen.
That’s what Cultivate Your Wellness was always meant to be. I don’t pretend to be an expert on how to be the healthiest, happiest person alive. But everyday, both at work and in my personal life, I experience the struggles of trying to make the most of our time here. We all have these struggles and we all at times fall victim to the extras in life that take us away from being our best selves. I now feel the strong pull to use more of my energy towards putting myself first. Does that mean I’m going to cancel all my patients and leave my family whenever I feel like it to follow my passions and dreams? No. It means setting a plan in motion to integrate into my daily life actions that will help me to be a better me. A happier me. So, I welcome you to follow along on my journey. I will do my best to share with you all the wonderful tips I gather along the way. Because I’m back on the path. The path to wellness!