I hope you are well!
I’m writing from my bed today, where I’ve been lying for the last twelve days, recovering from pneumonia. I’m searching my mind for something poetic and meaningful to say, but I’m coming up empty. I think I’ve purged more than this illness. My mind and my spirit feel a bit raw, much like my lungs as I slowly regain the ability to take a deep breath. This process has been more than just rest, it was a complete check-out. Letting go of everything and anything that needed to get done, realizing maybe nothing is all that important anyway.
I’ve had to let go of my pride and show my vulnerabilities during this time. Asking for help. Revealing my weaknesses. Accepting the present for whatever it is. But I’m not completely unhappy about this new fragile state. I feel like a little sprout, starting fresh, free from the hard casing of my outer shell, ready to grow into something new. Through each stage of my illness, it felt like veils were being lifted. Each making the reality of the present clearer. Each more rooted in the truth.
So what is the truth? Perhaps that’s a question much too deep for a Monday. Or maybe it’s a question that doesn’t need to be answered. Maybe it’s simply a feeling. One you get when you offer yourself a moment. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Connect with your sense of being – whatever it may be. Without judgment. Without a story. Just being.
Today for me, it feels a lot like freedom.
And of course, I know, as I slowly rejoin the living, the outside world will once again bombard me with its own needs and stories and my mind and emotions will react as they so often do. But I have my new baseline. A place to return. A place to begin again. And I’m looking forward to the opportunity to practice.
Now, I definitely don’t recommend getting sick as a way to find healing. But I do highly recommend taking a step back if you can. Find a weekend retreat, or spend a week in your favorite place by yourself. Accept that the world does turn without you and offer yourself an opportunity for rest. You won’t regret it.
Thanks for sticking with my ramblings today. I hope you have a beautiful week and stay healthy and happy.
My office hours are back open tomorrow if you’re interested in my services. There are some exciting things (slowly) coming.
And here’s to the groundhog not seeing his shadow! I think we’re all about ready for an early Spring!